Worthy of Love (H/D, PG-13)

[sesheta66]

Title:   Worthy of Love
Author:   sesheta_66
Word Count:   1045
Rating:   PG-13
Pairing:   Harry/Draco
Challenge:   "Albus Dumbledore" for  hd_angst 
Disclaimer:   HP world belongs to JK Rowling. No money made by me - I am only playing.

Harry awoke to find a visibly shaken Draco standing beside the bed staring at him.

"Wha?" he asked, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake up.

"You had a nightmare."

"I did?"

"Mhm. About Dumbledore. About the night he was killed, the night I let everyone into Hogwarts."

"Oh," Harry said.

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Well, what else should I say?"

"How about telling me how you really feel? Like how you hate me, and you want to see me dead for everything I did, about ..."

"What are you talking about? I don't hate you, and I certainly don't want you dead."

"You could have fooled me."

"Oh, really?" Harry was irritated now. Did he have to defend himself against a bloody dream now? Merlin, Draco's insecurities were getting on his nerves. "So the fact that we shag daily - sometimes more than once, I might add - suggests to you that I hate you? Well that makes perfect sense!" He threw the covers off himself and got out of bed.

"You didn't hear what you were saying."

"Enlighten me then, Draco. What was my dream self saying that has you convinced that the real me is just a liar? This should be good."

"I never said you were a liar."

"Oh, but you did. The fact that you insist that I hate you, even though I tell you I don't - what do you call that?"

"I call that delusional thinking. You don't want to hate me, but you do. Your conscious mind just isn't listening to what your subconscious already knows."

"Oh, for the love of Merlin, stop with your psychobabble! I swear sometimes you want to break up with me, but you just don't have the balls to do it! So you come up with the most inane ways to make it about me wanting to break up with you." He glared at Draco as he stormed into the washroom and slammed the door.

When he came back out, he was greeted by the sight of a morose Draco sitting on the end of the bed. He looked close to tears. The sight just pissed Harry off even more. He glared at Draco again, and went to get himself breakfast.

"You were screaming my name, and saying to wanted to kill me, that I was a cowardly, meaningless piece of shite that didn't deserve to walk the face of the earth." Harry's back went rigid as he heard the words tumble out of Draco's mouth, resonating pain, hurt, disappointment. He looked at Draco, and realized just how devastated he was.

"Is that all?" Harry said, trying to make light of the situation. Draco's eyes widened.

"I should think that's enough, Harry."

"Well, that's where you are wrong. Come here," he said, holding his hand out to his boyfriend and pulling him into a hug. "I love you, you stupid, stupid man."

"That's hardly reassuring, Potter."

"Right. Well, it will be when I'm finished. You need to promise me that you will hear me out."

"Okay." The word was said barely above a whisper.

"I was screaming your name that night because I knew what you had done - everything - because I was there on the tower with you and Dumbledore, under my invisibility cloak."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I'm not really sure. Maybe because I try not to think of that night too often. But I'm telling you now, if you'll let me finish." Draco nodded for Harry to continue. "I heard Dumbledore ask you why, I heard your reply, and I saw you drop your wand. You're not a killer, Draco."

"So if you were there, why didn't you kill me then? Or at least hex me?"

"Dumbledore had cast a spell on me, so I couldn't move. All I could do was stand there and watch."

"That must have nearly killed you."

"You have no idea. Anyway, I saw the Death Eaters arrive. I saw that you couldn't kill Dumbledore, even when they pressed you to. And I saw Snape cast the Avada Kadavra curse that you didn't."

"He had promised Dumbledore that he would do it," Draco said aloud, even though he knew this was old news to Harry. Snape had been absolved of any wrongdoing when some of the headmaster's memories were accessed after his death.

"It was Snape I wanted to kill. Snape that I thought was a coward, unworthy, and deserving of death. Not you. Never you, Draco."

"But you kept screaming my name!"

"Yes, because I wanted to catch up with you, ask you why the hell you had let all this happen. I wanted to scream at you for not going to Dumbledore for help. But from the moment I heard your conversation with Dumbledore, and I saw you drop your wand, I no longer wanted to exact revenge on you. That was a special treat that was reserved for Snape.

"But you were wrong about Snape."

"I was wrong about Snape," Harry acknowledged. "And you are wrong about me. I love you Draco, but I can't keep doing this. I have told you my feelings. We were enemies once, and you were always a formidable one. I watch you wither away lately, and I can't stand it. You used to think yourself worthy of greatness, but now ... you seem to cut yourself down at every opportunity."

"I know I do, but ..."

"But nothing, Draco. You are worthy of love. You deserve that and so much more out of life. Don't ever doubt that. You were a prat as a child, but you have grown up now. You made some terrible choices in the past, but you have turned your life around. You have paid for your sins, Draco, and it's time to move on."

"I'll try, Harry."

"Please do, because if you keep up the self-deprecating behaviour, you may end up killing the love that I have for you, and I can't bare the thought of that."

"I will try," he said again.

"Okay then." Harry kissed him on the forehead, and wrapped his arms around Draco in a gentle hug. "I suppose that's all I can ask of you for now."

 

Comments

[charmed310.livejournal.com]

*strokes your ego*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*purrrs*

[nomeci.livejournal.com]

wow - that hits home on a very deep level for me...

that was awesome! thank you for sharing it with us!

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. And it's my pleasure!

[faynia.livejournal.com]

You just can't end things on angst can you? *arched brow* Not complaining.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Apparently I can. *sticks out tongue* Heh.

[faynia.livejournal.com]

You can not. Prove it! *needs proof of your ability to make it end in that manner*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

I shall do my very best NOT to write a sequel to this. We'll have to see how that works out for me.

[faynia.livejournal.com]

*snuggles and licks* All right then.

[dracoluvah.livejournal.com]

I was scared at first when I saw the prompt was Dumbledore, but I really enjoyed this.

I felt bad for Draco and wanted to give him hugs!

(I saw on your little mood that you're not feeling the best *squeezes you* feel better)

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Draco was so proud, and now he's feeling unworthy ... and Harry is at a loss as to how to make him feel better. Hugs (and apparently shags) aren't doing it.

*squeezes you back* - Thanks. Kid anger issues. Goes with the territory these days. Blah!

[dracoluvah.livejournal.com]

Draco you are worthy!!!

(Kid anger issues suck. Did I tell you my oldest has anger issues too. She's even seeing a therapist and repeating Kindergarten because of it. I always repeat to myself "I'm going to miss this. When she's grown up, I'm going to miss this" sometimes that little mantra helps)

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Yes he is worthy.

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

That ended rather sweetly for angst. :D (Not that I'm complaining, mind you. *hugs*)

Poor Draco, it must have torn him up inside to hear Harry crying those things out in his dream, and their talk about the events of that night was long overdue, I suspect. :)

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thanks ♥

I think that Harry's dream was a great catalyst to finally have that talk. *nods* Maybe this can go a long way to healing Draco. *is hopeful*

[flowergurl4675.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. ~thumbs up~ At some point in the story, I actually heard/saw Harry and Draco, if you know what I mean. Great job~ ♥

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I appreciate your comments. ♥

[graylor.livejournal.com]

This was very mature--real issues don't seem to appear very often(espcially done this well) in short fanfiction. Of course Harry wouldn't know how to deal with a broken Draco--Harry has never had that sort of support himself.

I especially liked how this ended on a hopeful note (or at least that's how I read it ;P).

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your comments. And yes, I think it ended on a hopeful note, too. Harry's not promising anything, nor is he threatening. Just telling it like it is. But willing to give Draco the opportunity to heal.

[tresa-cho.livejournal.com]

Very nicely done. I love how short tempered Harry is with Draco's masochism.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thanks. ♥

Harry figures he's been patient for long enough ... now he's just tired of it. Especially since the main draw to each other was that they were on equal footing, and now he finds himself with this needy person he never bargained for.

[lire-casander.livejournal.com]

Harry is so sweet. And draco sounds a lot like me, we both need a lot of reassurance. *hugs him*

I love this, honey.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Awww ... *hugs you* ... you're worthy of love too, sweets!

Glad you liked ♥

[hapendfro.livejournal.com]

I really loved this one, very mature and insightful. I love Draco needing reassurance. I think we all need those. It may be frustrating to those who have to give those reassurances, but I am glad Harry was up for it.

I hope Draco does understand how much Harry loves him and soon.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thanks. LOTS of people tell him he doesn't deserve Harry. That would wear down someone's self esteem.

I hope Harry can convince him. ♥

[hapendfro.livejournal.com]

Well Harry is a pretty fine catch, but if anyone deserved him it would be Draco. He's his lobster (refer to old Friends episode, when Phoebe announces that Ron is Rachel's lobster)

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Hee! Gotta love Phoebe!

[if-in-solitude.livejournal.com]

*gives you hug for ansty HD love*

*another for the hopeful ending*

*and a big hug for correct use of "self-deprecating"*

Yes, hugs all round! *nods*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*hugs you back*

*ponders use of self-deprecating in another fic*

Thanks.

[kylastargazer.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was so deep. Harry loves him so much. You can see that coming through by what he is saying. I do have to admit that every time Draco said, "I'll try" I heard in my head Yoda saying No, no try. Do or do not. There is no try. Sorry, that's my Star Warsism comingout. That's my other love...lol. This was really good.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Yes, Harry really does love him a lot.

*cracks up* - My sister would find your SW comment amusing! She's a huge fan.

There's one crack fic (H/D) Dragon Tamer by jennavere (http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/jennavere/DT.html) that has a house-elf at Malfoy Manor, and Draco tells 'Yoda' to take Harry's bags ... Harry nearly busts a gut laughing, and later has the house elf quote lines from Star Wars. It is the funniest crack fic I've ever read. It's not full of SW references, but that part sticks in my mind.

[thrnbrooke.livejournal.com]

Continue!!! Does everything work out or does Harry leave him?

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Hmmm ... I have so many other sequels to write, I think I'd like to leave this one as-is. It ends hopefully, because Harry doesn't leave, and he gives Draco the opportunity to change his habits.