Not This Time (H/D, PG-13)

[sesheta66]

Title:   Not This Time
Author:   sesheta_66
Word Count:   709
Rating:   PG-13
Pairing:   Harry/Draco
Challenge:   "Lord Voldemort" for hd_angst 
Disclaimer:   HP world belongs to JK Rowling. No money made by me - I am only playing. 

Draco stormed out of the flat, unwilling to listen to any more. They had had this same argument so many times he had lost count.

He and Harry had been together for six years now. They had managed to get past all the childhood animosity and the hurdles most would have deemed insurmountable.

A former almost-Death Eater whose father had tried to kill Harry countless times in the name of Voldemort, Draco had eventually joined the side of the light. He hadn't dared to play so magnanimous a role as spy, but he had helped where he could. Slytherin self-preservation intact, he had helped figure out what the remaining horcruxes were, and was able to provide a bit of inside information. Nothing earth-shattering, but it was enough for him to secure his and his mother's safety.

A pureblood and -- yes, even he admitted it to himself -- arrogant wizard, he had regularly insulted Muggle-borns and Weasleys for most of his youth. Once working alongside them, however, he had swallowed his pride, acknowledged that perhaps he had been wrong to pre-judge everyone, and had apologized for any wrongs he may have inflicted upon Harry's friends.

In fact, as Draco had gone over the past six years in his mind, he noticed a disturbing pattern. Whenever compromise was necessary, it seemed that it was always he who was expected to yield. Sure, he had been wrong in his youth about some pretty significant things, but did he have to pay penance for the rest of his life?

He thought about their many fights, and with very few exceptions, such as minor events Harry had attended with him, Draco had always been the one to relent. As he thought about the different reasons for this, one came to the forefront time and time again. He was afraid. Afraid that Harry would leave him. Afraid that he would be left alone, and that nobody else would want him, a former almost Death Eater turncoat.

"Well," he said to his reflection. "I wonder when that happened." He tried to think back to a time when he hadn't felt that way, but to his horror, he was unable to recall such a time.

As a child, he had heard Harry's name, whether said in awe by those not following in Voldemort's path, or in disgust by Lucius and his Death Eater mates. Either way, the name "Harry Potter" invoked in Draco the image of someone untouchable, unreachable, beyond his grasp.

Then, when Harry had turned down his offer of friendship -- in favour of Weasley of all people -- Draco had been devastated. There was no other word for it. He had spent most of his school years trying to get Harry's attention, good or bad.

Then he spent the time of war trying to prove himself to Harry and everyone in the Order. And it seemed to him that now, even after all these years, he was still saying, "Look at me. I'm not so bad."

The stark realization hit him like flying into a brick wall. How had he allowed this to happen? At least in school he had fought the good fight, right or wrong. He didn't back down. Now he just seemed to give in. Oh, sure, they fought and he made his opinions known - he hadn't lost his complete sense of self. But he was always the one to give in, apologize, go crawling back, whatever.

Not this time. He was not a Death Eater. He was not his father. He was his own man. He loved Harry, but he couldn't go on this way. If he wasn't careful, he could become a mere shadow of his former self.

The proud pureblood in him was seething. Not at Harry for their stupid argument, but at himself for letting this happen, for letting it go on for so long.

There was no more Voldemort. That battle had been fought and won, with help from Draco thank you very much. This was a partnership, and Draco was done being the one to yield by default. It was time he got past trying to make up for his childhood mistakes.

He only hoped that he wouldn't lose Harry in the process.

Comments

[faynia.livejournal.com]

*pets Draco and smooths his hair*

I find it amusing that you manage to put out a new fic everynight like clockwork.



Hey, your fic is up on hpslashnotsmut

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Heh. I do try.

Ooohhh! *goes to read* Woo-hoo! I was just going to check after posting this, so great timing.

[house-illrepute.livejournal.com]

YEAH, DRACO!! you tell 'im!!

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I think Harry will be just fine with that. *nods* He loves Draco more than Draco can imagine.

[house-illrepute.livejournal.com]

I don't believe you.... and I think you must prove it with copious amounts of boy!smut.


So, hop to it, young lady!

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Ooooh ... make-up sex. Maybe angry make-up wall!sex even. *ponders*

[lire-casander.livejournal.com]

I only hope Harry doesn't leave him, because well, we all know how stubborn he can be...

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Hmmm ... I see it more like Harry is his usual oblivious self, and hasn't even noticed that Draco DOES always give in. I think he'll be (relatively) accepting of Draco's change of approach, because he really does love him. And he'll be bewildered by Draco's fears about him. *nods*

[hapendfro.livejournal.com]

Wow, really liked that one. I just hope that one of them lets their pride down enought to let the other one back in.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Well, I think Draco has already swallowed his pride for long enough (he needs to know that he deserves Harry), and it's Harry's turn now.

Glad you liked it.

Oooh ... I read my gift fic (30,000+ words) *squee* last night at hpslashnotsmut, so I didn't read chapter 2 of yours, so I owe you two either today or tomorrow to make up for it.

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Oh... *sniffles* Poor Draco, being forced to compromised himself for Harry :( I'm hopeful Harry's kind and loving side will show up, and he'll accept Draco for what he's trying to reclaim *hopeful*

Damn, you were right about the angst :P Still was a very nice read though, so that's alright ♥

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

I see it more as Draco automatically playing that role, because he thinks he's not good enough for Harry ... I don't see Harry expecting it. So, while it might not be the easiest conversation they've ever had, I think Harry will be very accepting.

Oh, there's more angst to come yet! But dracoharry100 won't be angsty.

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Oh? Does that mean you're writing a sequel to this, where they have the discussion? *intrigued*

Errr... about dracoharry100... *worried* :(

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Sequel ... is #9 on my "sequels" to-do list. Yes, I have a separate to-do list for sequels. Another one for regular recurring items, and one for the current projects. Have I mentioned before that I'm anal?

Hehehe ... you should be worried. Go Aurors!

[mtranc3.livejournal.com]

Amen to that! *takes out the Draco flags and waves them around* ^_^

And I think this: In fact, as Draco had gone over the past six years in his mind, he noticed a disturbing pattern. Whenever compromise was necessary, it seemed that it was always he who was expected to yield. Sure, he had been wrong in his youth about some pretty significant things, but did he have to pay penance for the rest of his life?

describes one kind of fandom Draco that there is in H/D fic so well! I love a Draco that bears things for Harry almost to a fault, but lets not forget he's a Slytherin and a Malfoy, and it can sometimes get too much for him...

*hearts you for this story*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*hearts you back for the comments* Thanks babe. Now ... a b'day fic or three that I have to do this weekend ... ♥

[dracoluvah.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed Draco's point of view. A relationship needs to be about compromise and give and take. I hope Harry learns that Draco is not someone to be walked all over.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Actually, I see this as being more Draco's opinion than Harry's actions. I think Draco jumped in and compromised or apologized before Harry even knew what was happening most of the time. I don't see him as being unreasonable ... but we'll see in part 2.

[dracoluvah.livejournal.com]

Interesting!
Looking forward to seeing part 2.