CRACK-a-Licious (H/D, R)
Jan. 5th, 2007 09:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sesheta66Author: sesheta_66
Pairing: Harry/Draco ... that means slash, people. You don't like, don't bother reading please.
Rating: R (but only for language and suggested/requested sex; no smut here)
Warnings: Crack. Author has written 'crack-ish' fanfic for a total of one week. Plot bunnies appear out of nowhere, I tell you! Time constraints. Word count constraints. No beta. Insert any other excuse I can use to shamelessly absolve myself of responsibility.
Summary: Some CRACK drabbles (each is 200 words or fewer) I did for this week's round in the hd_boardgame challenge. There are three with a "cosmetics" theme, and two with an "endearments" theme, and they all use various prompts from the "word box".
Disclaimer: Harry, Draco & the rest of the gang, themes, places, etc. belong to JK Rowling & her publishers. I am merely borrowing them for fun, and sadly I'm not making any money.
Comments: You are welcome to shower me with comments, because after one entire week in the HP fandom, I confess I find myself to be a comment wh0re!!!
CRACK drabbles with “cosmetics” theme:
1. Bored Draco
Draco was bored. He had come to Malfoy Manor on Narcissa’s whim, only to have her leave him alone not five minutes later with a surprising lack of house elves for company.
He had flooed Harry to tell him he would be late for dinner after all, and to go ahead without him. Meanwhile, he was bored. And a bored Draco is a nosy Draco. So here he was, in his mother’s room, seeing just how lovely her cosmetics looked on. And did they look good! Correction - HE looked good. Truth be told, anyone would find him appealing right now.
He had passed over the juice or whatever it was that smelled like lemon, and applied “passionate pink” gloss to his lips. He continued by adding glitter to his cheeks, and sparkly blue eye shadow, which enhanced his eye colour quite nicely, if he did say so himself. The final touch was a spray of his mother’s favourite perfume, and then he winked at himself.
“You look beautiful, darling,” the mirror said softly. In response, he kissed the cold surface.
“Well, don’t you look cute?” Draco had no time to respond, as he was tackled by a grinning Harry.
2. A Not-So-Great Escape
Laughter filled the room as a cloud of powder obscured their vision. Narcissa was not pleased, but Harry just couldn’t suppress his giggles.
Before them was a white ferret, covered in who knows how many galleons’ worth of her prized cosmetics, and a bottle of perfume. As if in protest, the ferret sneezed and began to run around in circles. Harry was undone, and collapsed to the floor in a shaking heap.
His soon-to-be mother-in-law stormed out of the dressing room, leaving Harry to contend with his soon-to-be husband and his “furry little problem” of transforming himself back into a human being.
“Serves you right for trying to escape the meeting with the wedding planner,” Harry snorted.
3. Pretty Past
At Malfoy Manor, five-year-old Draco Malfoy was seated at his mother’s dressing table while she and his father were shopping. He had applied something to his face that made his pale skin look like he had a tan. Then he picked up a wig of his mother’s that was short and black, and put it on. Being five, he didn’t bother wondering why she had this, but never wore it. He picked up a package of what looked like emerald green eyes, and held them up to his face, in place of his own stormy grey eyes. The box shimmered, and he dropped it as he felt a tingling behind his lids. When he looked back in the mirror, he saw his own reflection with green eyes. He had never seen anything so beautiful!
Meanwhile, in the cupboard under the stairs at 4 Privet Drive, a five-year-old Harry Potter was gazing into a mirror, at a white-haired, pale-faced, grey-eyed reflection, thinking how really cute he looked.
CRACK drabbles with “endearments” theme:
1. A Brokeback-inspired interlude
“Wakey, wakey, my Drakey,” was the sound that greeted Draco as he slowly drifted into consciousness, memories of last night still blurry.
There were cameras everywhere. Singing. Bull fighting - no, no - bull riding! Yes, definitely bull riding. Bull riding?!? He blinked, only to see two very large cowboy hats on the dresser. No, it was just wishful thinking.
With crystal clarity, the picture came into view. Country music bar. Line dancing. Potter. Ohgod … hotsofuckinghot Potter. Mechanical bull riding. Together. With Potter. Mmmmm. Perfect. The Boy Who Lived to Ride Me.
“Where’s my stallion?” came Harry’s voice, now at the bedroom door. He licked his lips lasciviously and waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Draco. “Because this cowboy’s in the mood for a ride!”
2. Tea With The Terror Twins
Harry flitted around the flat, wearing nothing but an apron and a smile. Draco liked him this way. “Hands off!” Harry admonished him, as Draco grabbed his arse. “I am preparing tea for our guests! I can‘t have my man-stud copping a feel in front of them!”
“Um, Harry … sweetheart,” Draco said, somewhat confused. Man-stud? Wtf? “We have no guests.”
“Well, but of course we do,” he said, waving his hands around without further explanation. “Empty!” he suddenly screamed. “We have no jam! How can we serve tea without jam! Look,” he showed Draco his hand.
“ …”
“It’s empty!” he carried on, apparently showing Draco an empty (and insofar as Draco could tell, non-existent) jam jar.
Ah … Draco thought he understood now. “Were Fred and George here?” he asked.
“Well, of course, schnookums.” Schnookums?!? Again - wtf?!? “They’re still here.”
“I understand,” sighed Draco. They had better start testing out their products on someone else he thought, as he went to pay a little visit to the Terror Twins.
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Date: 2007-01-06 06:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-06 04:20 pm (UTC)