Thinking of You (H/D, PG)

[sesheta66]

Title: Thinking of You
Author: sesheta_66
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~ 450
Pairing/Characters: Harry
Giftee: For emmagrant01 who, as I recall, doesn't like uber-fluffy, gushy, happily-ever-after fics. It also fits my GJ 100_prompts table #005 - "Never."
Summary: Harry reflects on his relationship with Draco.
Disclaimer: The author is not responsible for underage readers. Please observe the ratings, warnings, and age of legal consent for your country. The characters contained herein are not mine. They belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.



I sit here thinking of you, thinking of the boys we were, the men we became, the choices we made and the choices that were made for us.

We were destined to be enemies, and we lived up to that destiny rather well, I think. We taunted, teased, tormented each other as often as we could. We relentlessly battled over things both trivial and deep.

Then something changed. I had underestimated you and your influence on me. I found myself faced with a formidable adversary in you in sixth year, and I became … there's no other word for it … obsessed. I was obsessed with everything you did, everywhere you went. I wanted to get inside your head and see what you saw, feel what you felt.

Until we met in the washroom. Then it all changed. I nearly killed you, I know. I will forever bear the burden of that knowledge, of that guilt, as surely as you probably carry the scars. From that day forward, I thought of you as a person. I realize now that in my mind's eye, up to that point, you posed a challenge, a barrier, a goal that I needed to meet, overcome, surpass.

But suddenly you were more than that, and my life hasn't been the same since.

You were hurting; you had been pushed almost to your breaking point. I understand that now. Then during the war you were forced to see and do things … unspeakable things … and I think that changed you too.

Time has passed, we have both moved on, and we have both survived. I'm glad of that. Because even now, so long since we were at school, so long since that fateful day, I think of you. But differently.

I think of friendship rejected, opportunities lost, harsh words spoken, harsher actions taken, and I can't help but wonder what if?

I wonder ... if we could have been friends, what would that have been like? I wonder ... if I had chosen to be in Slytherin - I never told you the hat tried to put me there - how would that have changed our lives? When my thoughts get away from me, stray where they have never gone before, I wonder what it would be like to be more than just friends.

I sit here and wonder what it would be like to touch you, feel you, kiss you, taste you ... love you.

Harry looked at the letter and smiled wistfully. Best one yet, he thought as he crumpled it up and tossed it into the fire, like he had all the others before it. He watched it burn, knowing it could never be.


Part 2 - An Unexpected Guest

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Comments

[raggedyanndy.livejournal.com]

oh my god! that was amazing! you brought tears to my eyes, because harry is me. i feel that same way about a blond boy i went to school with... how i think we could've been great friends - if not more - is exactly how you wrote harry's thoughts. poor harry.

wonderful writing.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. Yeah, I think that many of us have had those thoughts about someone in our lifetimes. Sometimes it's hard to imagine that it can be, so we don't act. *sighs*

[kaykayen.livejournal.com]

*wails*
Oh, please send one because it can be, can't it?

Lovely and sad.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Awww ... *hands you tissue & pets you*

I dunno ... Harry has written lots of these letters, but he's convinced that it can't be. *sighs*

[kaykayen.livejournal.com]

*sniffles* But where's that Gryffindor bravery?

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

He may very well have run out of it during the war. But more likely, this is canon!Harry who rarely has courage wrt relationships. He just needs to work himself up to action (like he did with Ginny). *nods*

OMG that's sad

[severkarogueova.livejournal.com]

*weep* ... Harry, please... don't be faint-heart... owl the next letter you write...

Re: OMG that's sad

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*hands you tissue*

Harry doesn't think there is a chance. *sighs* Silly man.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Oooh, angsty! I especially love that he burned the letter in the end. It would be fairly un-Harry to actually let Draco know he felt that way, IMO.

Thank you so much!! :-D

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

And wow, look how different my comment is from the others. This ficlet was truly written for me! *preens*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Heh. Definitely written for you. *nods*

I suspect Alaana won't be happy with the ending though. Lucky for her, I wrote a happy ending for hers.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

You are quite welcome. It was my pleasure.

And yeah ... I remember a couple of comments you made at Prophecy, so I thought this would be an ending befitting something I wrote for you. I'm so glad you liked it. :o)

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

*wibbles*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Awww ... I didn't warn for angst, because nobody's heart is really being ripped out ... Harry's just pining a bit.

*hugs*

[winter-june.livejournal.com]

Yep, it's sad. And, putting more salt in the wound, I wonder if somewhere a blond man couldn't be doing just the same, writing letters which don't reach anything but the fire.
If you want anything so much you have to take a risk. What's the worst that can happen? Rejection, disappointment? You already have that, things can only go better or stay the same.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

I had that picture in my mind too. Funny that.

Sadly, I'm like Harry is in this ... too scared to send anything.

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Oh, but... *sniffles*

You were building up such sweet fluff, only to take it all away again! *starts sulking now*

I love the last image of the burning letter though. *smiles sadly*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*hands you tissue*

It wasn't really angst so much as unrequited love. Okay ... I suppose that's angsty, but it's not like it's rip-your-heart-out angst. *nods*

Besides, I know that Emma isn't big on the big, fluffy, happen ending type stuff, and the gift was for her.

Glad you liked it despite the non-fluffy ending. ♥

[lire-casander.livejournal.com]

It's so sad but yet so powerful I want to cry now!

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Awww ... thanks.

[prettyhairs.livejournal.com]

Great!

(I tried to write you a review that actually said something but I just wasn't able to;)

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*giggles* You don't have to write anything earth shattering under comments. I'm just happy that you read it and enjoyed it. AND that you take the time to comment at all. :o)

[thrnbrooke.livejournal.com]

Too bad the letter burned. Draco will never know. *sigh*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

I know ... but fluffy endings aren't Emma's thing, so ...

[prettyparadox.livejournal.com]

Please don't be cruel and WRITEASEQUEL! /smurf :-(((

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Awww ... this one was meant to have a less-than-happy ending. Not sure about a sequel, but thanks for reading.

[alaana-fair.livejournal.com]

Somebody smack that boy upside the head and knock some sense into him! *g*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Cute. *protects Harry from your attack*

[alaana-fair.livejournal.com]

*g* Heh. At least I wasn't all teary eyed. *nods*

Only because I know he'll come around eventually, no matter what you say. *smirks at Draco*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was surprised I didn't get the evil eye. But yeah ... it's not a rip-your-heart-out angsty fic where there lies no hope. So you let your fluffy little heart fill it in any which way you'd like.

Muah!

[alaana-fair.livejournal.com]

Well, you know what they say to do about a good story that just doesn't have the ending you want. "Just write fanfiction!" *giggles*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Heh. How true, how true!