Actually, it's not a comma splice, as each subsequent clause is subordinate to the first, but if it doesn't read well, I'll adjust it.
Technically, it is consistent throughout (all clauses refer back to 'Malfoy Manor' as the subject), but I can see how it might be an awkward read, given the length of the sentence/final clause.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2008-07-17 05:05 am (UTC)Actually, it's not a comma splice, as each subsequent clause is subordinate to the first, but if it doesn't read well, I'll adjust it.
Technically, it is consistent throughout (all clauses refer back to 'Malfoy Manor' as the subject), but I can see how it might be an awkward read, given the length of the sentence/final clause.