When? (H/D, PG)

[sesheta66]

Title: When?
Author: sesheta_66
Rating: PG (though the original is Adult)
Word Count: 700
Challenges: dracoharry100's prompt #51 - "Window" and my GJ 100_prompts table 037 - "When?"
Summary: Harry's looking for closure, but it escapes him. This is a continuation of The Rain Will Fall and As Darkness Fell, but it can be read on its own.
Warning: Angst
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. They belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.

To start at part 1, click The Rain Will Fall



Harry stares out of the window at Grimmauld Place. Every day he stares, looking for ... what exactly, he doesn't know any more.

At first, he'd imagined watching Draco walk down the path, out of his life. Of course, the scene hadn't quite played out that way. In fact, after Draco had left their room on that fateful day, Harry had remained there, clutching the letter that Draco had left behind. But Harry's mind had been set on torturing him.

He'd sat there, watching, reliving the imaginary scene in his mind. His mind had been cruel. Then it got worse.

***

After a few days had passed, Harry began to watch for something else. He watched for Draco's return.

Every day he sat at the window, watching for Draco to come walking up the path, to return to Harry, to tell him that he had made a terrible mistake, to tell him that he loved him.

He had never actually said those words to Harry. Neither had Harry told Draco how he felt. Like some cruel joke, only as he left had Draco scribbled in the note that he loved Harry, robbing Harry of the chance to tell him the same.

***

Eventually, Harry realized that Draco wasn't coming back, that he had meant what he'd put in the letter. Eventually, Harry got angry.

For weeks he had ached for Draco's return. Then suddenly he longed for it with a fury he hadn't thought possible. He began to stare out the window, awaiting confrontation, preparing himself emotionally for a fight that might never come.

How could Draco have done this to him? How could he have claimed to love Harry, then leave without a backwards glance? How was Harry supposed to move on with his life, when his life had walked away?

***

Then Harry went numb. Throughout the months that followed Draco's departure, Harry had gone about his daily routine, but every time he found himself at Grimmauld Place without something to keep his mind occupied, he returned to the window.

He was drawn to it like a moth to the flame. Knowing that it was dangerous, that it would only cause him pain, Harry returned. Disbelief had been followed by pain, then anger, and now depression.

He felt lost, like a part of him was missing, and there was nothing he could do about it. When would he get past this?

***

Rationally, he knew that the window offered nothing but reflections of his own inner turmoil, yet Harry still returned.

Some days he looked out at the street, remembering all the times he watched Draco approach, excitement filling him, when Draco had lived there. He remembered how he and Draco had walked that path, had gone about their business, had returned home together.

Other times he stared past everything, into a world that was grey and empty.

Still other days, he only saw his own reflection in the panes of glass. A reflection that mirrored his despair, growing deeper every day.

***

As he stares out the window at nothing in particular, he vaguely hears the sound of his Floo in the background.

Months ago, he would have jumped up, hoping beyond hope that it was Draco, even though he knew Draco never Flooed to Grimmauld Place. He used to say that he liked the look of the place, liked to feel it welcoming him home. And Harry liked to watch Draco come home.

They kept the anti-Apparition wards, even after the war, but there was restricted Floo access. Draco just never used it.

Besides, Harry has long since given up hope.

***

Harry watches the reflection of Hermione approach from behind him, worry etched on her face.

"Hi, Harry."

Harry continues to stare out the window. He doesn't reply.

"Harry, are you okay?"

What a phenomenally stupid question, he thinks. Obviously he is not okay.

"Harry?"

Harry makes no attempt to move. What is the point?

He feels the warmth of Hermione's hand as she rests it softly on his shoulder.

"He's not coming back," she whispers.

Only then does he turn around. Looking up at her, Harry nods. The tears, somehow held at bay until now, begin to flow.

"I know."

~ TBC

Comments

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

*is crushed as well*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I hadn't written a good angsty story for a bit, so I thought I'd do this continuation from way back.

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

I just read the other two parts. I have at least an inkling of hope now that Draco might come back. How could he expect Harry to just go on with his life after he left? He just has to come back. *pleads with you*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Aww ... look at poor Harry in your icon. *pets him*

I believe I'll do Draco's pov after this. We'll see what's going on with him while he's away.

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

Yes, see how sad you've made him...
I'd love to read Draco's POV.
Then you can write their reunion from each one's POV.
Pollyanna cannot deal with the angst.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Hee! No guarantees that this will end up as anything but angst ... but I will show Draco's pov next. I have a few ideas about the next few installments. Hmm ... this was started as a one-shot. *rolls eyes*

[svgurl.livejournal.com]

You are going to continue this aren't you? You have to! I need to know what is happening. Draco has to come back to Harry. Poor baby ... he's suffering so much. :(

This story is so emotion-packed and I'm loving it to pieces.

Thanks for writing and sharing!

(http://pics.livejournal.com/svgurl/pic/0004p3cb/)

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing my conviction that they need to get back together. After all, they didn't have any kind of a falling out or anything. And we all know that they belong together.
*beseeches sesheta*

[svgurl.livejournal.com]

they so belong together! trust me, i'll beg and plead if i have to. together, we'll win her over!

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

Either that, or we'll cause her to be incredibly annoyed with us. *lol*
This is what I get for reading a fic that is clearly labelled "angst".
*goes off to iron hands*

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

PS I just wanted to tell you that I love your Tom Welling pics. I don't watch the show, but he is gorgeous!

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Knock yourselves out, ladies! *g*

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you could threaten her with withdrawal of the pretty Tom pics.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Mmm ... but Harry hasn't done what Draco told him to do, has he? He hasn't gone on with his life. And yet, it would seem, Draco has.

*beseeches sesheta* - say THAT ten times fast! Hee.

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

You don't know that (that Draco has gone on with his life). (Or maybe you do, since you're the author.) Maybe he's with some Harry lookalike somewhere, wondering why he ever left home.
*pulls out the pensive Draco icon*

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Yes, I will continue this. A plot bunny explosion happened while I was writing this part, and now I have at least three more installments in mind. No guarantees they'll be anything but angst, though ...

[piratesmile331.livejournal.com]

Look how cute he is! How could you tear his heart out?

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Hee! *snuggles little Harry* He is adorable.

[chyldofeternity.livejournal.com]

*sniffles some for poor Harry and cuddles him*

See. I really need to start looking at warnings, and not going "OOO NEW FIC! *clickyclicky*" without reading the warnings. x.x damned me and my inability to not clickyclick.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*hands tissue*

Wasn't it you I warned just yesterday that I write angst as well, and to watch for warnings? Maybe it was someone else ...

*cuddles you*

Love your icon, btw. Very cool.

[chyldofeternity.livejournal.com]

I don't think it was me, but it might have been. Warnings for my own good usually go in one ear and out the other *nods* Thanks, but I can't take credit for the icon ^^ It's a character from a fiction series/serial that I read *nodnods* It's pretty though.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

I replied to some old comments in my inbox this week, as I begin to play catch-up, so I've been through so many, it very likely wasn't you. Someone had commented on how much of a good feeling my fics left with them, so I made a point of not just saying thanks, but warning not to assume they'll all be happy endings, because I do love my angst.

[thrnbrooke.livejournal.com]

Oh how heartbreaking! I can sooo understand Harry's anger, his hurt, his despair. I can also understand Draco's feelings. Does Draco live his life while Harry wastes away?

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

You'll find out relatively soon. Draco's pov is next.

*goes to add TBC to the bottom*

[evilyn-1007.livejournal.com]

WOW...I just want to say that this made me cry. I feel for harry. Going to go read something fluffy now.